


When she smiles

by Nachsie



Series: We're not going to make it [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Sam, Alpha Sam Winchester, Depression, M/M, Mpeg, Omega Gabriel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-08 22:59:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10398075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nachsie/pseuds/Nachsie
Summary: Gabriel wakes up to his daughter's nonstop crying, and go to sleep with her nonstop crying. Gabriel couldn't ever make her smile, despite the beautiful smile she happily showed everyone else but him...





	

 

 

 

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**Gabriel’s POV**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

Gabriel sat up as Elena’s loud screaming started from her bedroom, Gabriel glanced towards the clock with...hatred. Gabriel’s eyes slid over the time, it was exactly  _ three _ minutes since Sam ran out the door for work...and now Gabriel was in his stay at home parenting  _ hell _ . 

 

Gabriel sat up rubbing his face, before slowly moving to her bedroom. Elena’s cries got louder as Gabriel moved to collect her from her crib. 

 

“It’s okay, Elena.” Gabriel sighed as she continued to cry. Gabriel moved to take a seat in the rocking chair, to feed her which she fought lightly till she submitted into her meal. Gabriel sighed softly happily at the peace and quiet as he rubbed her stomach as he rocked softly on the chair. The only time she was quiet was when she was eating. Gabriel wished she was always hungry. 

 

Elena blinked looking at Gabriel, her hands opening and closing, Gabriel admitted he was  _ not  _ use to a small human being chomping on his breast like a gummy zombie. It hurt most of the time and was uncomfortable. Dean breastfed all his babies, as did Balthazar. Gabriel wanted nothing more than to... _ not. _ Gabriel winced at his tender breast. Dean seemed so natural with it and always said it helped with his baby bonding….So Gabriel tried and tried, hoping to form that  _ natural _ bond. 

 

However, even as he sat uncomfortably trying to bond with his daughter in the most  _ natural _ way for an  _ omega… _

 

“What am I doing wrong?” Gabriel breathed before wincing. “Nope, sorry. Ouch.” He moved her to the other side trying to be relieved from the pain, silencing the screams she seemed to calm again. He felt like... _ she _ was  _ purposely _ rough with him and he knew that was stupid but...god. 

 

Why was he the only one with this problem?

 

“N-Nope. No more. Ouch.” Gabriel stood upset rocking her in his arms as Elena screamed. Gabriel stood placing her back into her crib, before moving to dress. Once dressed, he got her dress watching her struggle and literally want to be anywhere else. 

 

His daughter despised him. 

 

 

Gabriel picked her up and went to grab his keys, leaving with her out the front door. 

 

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Dean sat in the Dentist office next to the stroller he was lightly moving the stroller with Maddie inside. Gabriel came in the baby screaming her head off as Dean sighed softly blinking as Gabriel moved to him. 

 

“P-Please,” Gabriel spoke taking her out of the baby car seat. “Please feed her.” 

 

“Okay...Okay...bring her here.” Dean sighed softly as Gabriel moved to take over rocking Maddison, as Dean took Elena, moving to feed her. Dean rubbed her back as she slowly calmed hungrily looking around as Dean smiled down at her. “Is the breastfeeding not going well?”

 

“No, I tried the books. I tried the lotion. I tried massaging it.” Gabriel took a seat as Dean turned. “It  _ really _ doesn’t hurt you?” 

 

“I mean, I guess it was uncomfortable but it didn’t hurt at first. Now I'm used to it.” Dean shrugged. Gabriel hesitantly nodded, no...Dean didn’t understand what Gabriel was going through. Gabriel...felt like the only one.

 

“Okay.” Gabriel hesitantly spoke as Dean eyed him.

 

“You can’t keep running to me because you can’t feed her,” Dean commented hesitantly. 

 

“You promised you could help,” Gabriel stated.

 

“And I always will,” Dean stated trying to backtrack. “What I mean is that what if I'm not here or somewhere with Castiel? If she needs to eat, she needs to eat.” 

 

“I-I know,” Gabriel stated. “I’m g-getting better, I promise! Please just humor me till then.” Gabriel stated….or till she’s old enough to stop. 

 

“...” Dean nodded. “...Have you thought about the formula? I mean, It could help you bond while you feed her without suffering…”

 

“No. Sam said Formula isn’t as healthy as breast milk.” Gabriel stated seriously.

 

“Then maybe we can try the pump-” Dean started but Gabriel shook his head. “...does Sam know how difficult this has been for you?”

 

“No. I don’t want him to know.” Gabriel stated seriously. 

 

“Gabe-” Dean sighed. 

 

“Please Dean, don’t tell him,” Gabriel stated. “I’ll get over it soon. Okay?” 

 

“...Okay.” Dean nodded. “But promise me you’ll get help if you can’t.”

 

“I will okay?” Gabriel started scratching his head. “...You didn’t tell my brother right?!” 

 

“No, of course not.” Dean shook his head. “I would never tell.” Gabriel nodded accepting the answer before Elena softly laid asleep in Dean’s arms. Dean fixed himself without waking her and slid her softly into the car seat. Gabriel softly let out a relieved sigh, before standing taking her, before pressing a kiss to Dean’s cheek. 

 

“Thanks, bro in law,” Gabriel whispered pressing a kiss to his cheek as Dean blinked lovingly at him. “I owe you.” Dean nodded waving him off playfully before he rocked Maddison in the stroller again as Gabriel took her home. 

 

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Gabriel stared down at his sleeping daughter he softly placed into the crib, he was...not meant to be a parent. He took in Sam’s more dominant features as Gabriel recalled how beautiful she looked the first moment he held her. Now...that happiness of the first moment, he was finding this...hollowness looking at her. Like...he was going to break her. 

 

He was a horrible parent. 

 

How could he not care for his daughter?

 

Gabriel covered his mouth, as he looked away crying, as a small noise made him turn back to look at his daughter, who scrunched her face moving lightly. Gabriel closed his eyes when she started to cry, the sound almost numbing. 

 

Gabriel winced at the noise moving to collect her. Shushing her with love, why did she always cry for him? Why couldn’t he ever calm her?

 

He tried to change her.

 

Burp her. 

 

Rock her. 

 

Nothing worked.

 

Gabriel placed her in the crib as she screamed and cried loudly. Gabriel moved away, he ignored the sobbing from the baby as he tried to find peace with the dinner he was making for Sam and them, fixed and tidied the house tears spilling down his face he silently wiped it away. The crying continued Elena sniffed and whimpered when Gabriel finally had the courage to return to her. Gabriel looked down at her, before cradling her close as Gabriel moved to sit down in the rocking chair. Just looking at her wiggling and moving in his arms, looking around fusing.

 

“Why can’t I make you happy?” Gabriel cried. “...Why don’t you ever smile for me?”

 

Elena turned her head looking away as Gabriel lightly moved her so she could face him. Gabriel lightly touching her cheek as her eyes scanning his face through her tears. 

 

“You know...I don’t know what I’m doing…” Gabriel sobbed. “...You deserve a real, parent. You deserve someone who can make you happy and know what you need. I don’t know how Dean does it...or Balthazar...I’m a fucking mistake...I’m...a horrible parent.” 

 

The sound of a car pulling up made Gabriel move to stand placing Elena back into the crib before he moved to the bathroom. Hiding his tears, he moved to the bathroom, turning on the shower he slid down the door right as he listened to Sam open the door. 

 

“Gabe?” Sam called as he placed his suitcase on the counter, his eyes moved to the bathroom before collecting Elena from the crib. Her tears slowly started to calm as Sam lovingly shushed her, Gabriel felt tears slid down his face pulling his knees close. She cooed lovingly and happily as Gabriel listened to the beautiful girl laugh and smile…. “There you go, my princess….No more tears.”

 

Gabriel softly buried his face into his knees, trying not to be loud as he sobbed silently behind the door. 

 

Why wasn’t he...good enough?

 

Why didn’t it just click with him?

 

Gabriel...was never meant to be a parent.

 

And every day his little girl smiled at someone else….

 

...it proved it even a little bit more….

 

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Gabriel came out of the shower cleaning himself with a towel as Sam turned Elena now in a baby holder on Sam’s chest. Gabriel put on a face smile as he moved to their daughter, lightly touching her hand as she blinked at him. 

 

No smile.

 

She never smiled at him. 

 

She slightly fused looking away with a whine. 

 

Gabriel’s fake smile faded into a line as Sam looked at him, as Gabriel beamed at him. 

 

“Hey baby, how was work?” Gabriel spoke. 

 

“Fine, babe, you left Elena alone when you shower again,” Sam started sounding a bit annoyed. 

 

“I’m sorry, honey, she threw up on me.” Gabriel brushed off his comment. “She was asleep so I wanted a quick shower. I was only in there for a moment.” Sam hesitantly nodded as Gabriel pressed a kiss to him. 

 

“...you smell good, love,” Sam commented on Gabriel’s body spray as Gabriel kissed him. 

 

“I’m going to get dressed before this causes a problem being in only a towel.” Gabriel pulled away as Sam watched him go. Gabriel moved to the bedroom to change, taking a...bit longer to do so.

  
  


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Gabriel watched Sam put back down their daughter, who easily went to bed without a fight Gabriel’s gaze followed her inside the crib. How happy his daughter looked smiling up at Sam. Sam looked at her like she was his world, and Gabriel could only stare at her like she was...the world so far away. 

 

Gabriel watched Sam lean down pressing kisses to her cheeks, She smiled up at Sam so happily. 

 

Gabriel was starting to see himself less and less in her. 

 

Sam was the sun.

 

She was the stars. 

 

And Gabriel was a black hole.

 

Sam softly put an arm around Gabriel leading him away as Sam softly closed the door. Gabriel walked towards the bedroom moving to change when he felt Sam hold him from behind, his wheelchair's baseball card clicked against the wheel movement.

 

“Are you okay?” Sam asked. 

 

“Yeah…” Gabriel spoke turning, as Sam tried to read the hollowness that Gabriel hid so well. Crying only when he was alone. 

 

“It’s just that when I come home, your eyes-” Sam started, Gabriel covered as he moved pressing a heated kiss which Sam slowly reciprocated moving to pick Gabriel into his lap. Gabriel unbuckled Sam’s pants sliding it down as Sam moved to nip at his mate’s neck. Gabriel moaning as he lost himself to the loving touch of his mate.

  
  


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Gabriel awoke to the sound of Elena screaming her head off, it was exactly 8:01 AM and Sam was officially gone to work. Gabriel covered his face waking up to an empty bed, and a child that despised him. 

 

Gabriel stood sitting up as he slowly dragged himself from bed. Moving he softly moved to cradle his daughter tired. She sobbed and whimpered as Gabriel once again to tried to feed her and Gabriel once again was brought to tears whimpering as he held back the pain. 

 

“I-I’m sorry. I-I’m sorry I can’t.” Gabriel pulled her away before he stood, Elena started to cry again. “It hurts just so much.” Gabriel felt tears in his eyes as he dressed her once again. He stared at her cute little dress and bow pressing loving kisses against her cheek. 

 

He loved her so much. 

 

But he wasn’t good for her. 

 

“I wish I was better.” Gabriel sobbed, rocking her as he stood placing her with love and care into the baby seat. Gabriel moved grabbing his keys he left the house. 

 

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Gabriel knocked on Dean’s door, which Dean opened it softly pausing as he softly offered his arms for Elena. 

 

“I got her,” Dean spoke kindly. Gabriel gave her over easily as Dean moved to let him in. Gabriel paused but didn’t go in. 

 

“Um...I actually have a few things to do. Do you mind watching her?” Gabriel asked as Dean hesitantly nodded. 

 

“I can watch her,” Dean spoke. “...but on one condition.”

 

“...What?” Gabriel asked as Dean paused before holding out a can of baby formula. 

 

“Consider it.” Dean stated as Gabriel nodded hesitantly. 

 

“Okay…” Gabriel eyed the bottle as Dean looked down at Elena. 

 

“Come on, let’s get you fed.” Dean spoke as he moved closing the door. Gabriel looked at the door once it closed, and Gabriel backed away moving to the door then back to this car.

 

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Gabriel sat in the bar, lightly swirling the ice in his glass as he watched the news. Just sitting in the sound of the bar, chewing on a bar meal of fries and nacho cheese. He knew he had to eventually go home but the idea of it was...almost numbing. 

 

Gabriel turned when someone was handed a customer a burger, the burger was strong smelling to Gabriel who turned away trying to hold back the urge to just vomit. 

 

He closed his eyes covering his mouth, before he excused himself. Leaving out the front door of the bar, he sucked in a couple breaths before he lost control vomiting into the outside trash can. Gabriel groaned rubbing his face before standing up before spitting out the taste before he sticking his hand in his pocket for his keys calling it a day. Gabriel climbed into the car, starting it when a knock at his window made him turn and groan. 

 

“Had too much to drink?” A voice spoke as Gabriel turned looking to see a cop standing there. “You aren’t planning to drive there, are you?”

 

“I didn’t even finish my one.” Gabriel choked out as the cop eyed him.

 

“Yeah? And that vomit screams sober. Sir, I am going to need you to step out of the car.” The cop stated as Gabriel softly groaned turning off the car. 

 

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Gabriel pulled up to the driveway, taking Elena’s car seat from the car he bolted inside. He was really running short on time since the cops held him convinced he was drunk from his rough vomiting in front of the bar. Gabriel rushed in scrambling to make it not look like he was just out. But before he could get rid of the evidence, Sam wheeled himself in pausing to see Gabriel looking nice with Elena in her baby seat. 

 

“...hey honey.” Sam asked confused. “What’s going...on?” 

 

“I-I thought we could go get dinner.” Gabriel lied as Sam put his suit jacket on the hook as he eyed them.

 

“...Sounds likes fun.” Sam beamed, as Gabriel smiled that his lie worked. “Come on. Where were you thinking?” Gabriel was ushered out, as Sam put an arm around his waist leading him way.

 

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Sam smiled down at his daughter who was fast asleep in the baby car seat, Sam happily taking in bites of some sort of pasta. Gabriel watched him quietly, chewing silence almost finished with his plate. Sam talking about how his day went at work, Gabriel listening in to the boring office chatter. Sam was living his dream. Gabriel and Sam with the help of Dean and Castiel, had started his own business. A videogame company about to release their own game soon. A horror game with all choices creating a personal ending for you. They were less than a month away from the public release.    
  
“So, anything exciting happen today?” Sam asked as Gabriel turned to him. 

 

“Hm?” Gabriel asked. 

 

“What did you do today?” Sam questioned.

 

“Same old Same old.” Gabriel shrugged finishing the last of his plate and placed it to the side. “So… Dean told me he has all this baby formula he’s trying to get rid of.” Gabriel lied. 

 

“And?” Sam asked taking his plate, he swapped his half full plate with Gabriel’s empty plate placing the plate in front of him. Gabriel didn’t comment and started to eat it without much though, happy for the second helping. 

 

“Um. I thought...maybe we could take it off his hands, since he has done so much for us.” Gabriel spoke focusing on the food instead of looking at Sam.

 

“Why would we?” Sam asked. “You make a much more healthy version.” 

 

Sam didn’t understand. 

 

He was an alpha, Alphas didn’t know the struggles omegas went through and with Gabriel keeping most of his problems a secret...he would never know. 

 

Gabriel looked down quietly. 

 

“I-I would sell it.” Gabriel offered as Sam blinked. “Dean has a lot on his plate and I was thinking about selling it as a hobby, you know. While Elena is asleep. Get to know more moms in the area by going to mom groups and helping moms who can't afford the regular price.”

 

Sam blinked before smiling. 

 

“You don’t need permission.” Sam smiled happily. “I’m glad you want to get out of the house and making new friends.” Gabriel eyed the man he loved more than anything, a slight guilt of lies to explain why he wanted to keep formula in the house. 

 

It’s because I’m a fuck up, Sam. 

 

...and I don’t want you to know. 

 

“Maybe we can even invite some for dinner, do play dates? Maybe we can-” Sam offered. Elena woke up with a soft whimper, Sam turning away...for once, Gabriel was happy for her cries. 

 

The biggest and most easy way to change the subject. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Sorry about the delay! I didn't realize it had been so long since I posted. I literally thought it was a couple weeks. Expect more chapters soon.


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